What my teachers never taught me

Happy Tish'a B'av

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 15:15:00 +0000

This is the greeting offered by one of my co-workers. Well, I admit, it did make me chuckle. I then explained to her the meaning (as I understand it) of Tish'a b'av, the whole destruction of the Temples thing, and all the awful things that have befallen the Jews over the centuries. But it got me to (continued?) thinking. This whole Judaism thing is really tough. Trying to find ways to inject meaning into things that happened a millenium ago is not easy. So last night we did what we often do on Tish'a B'av, try to figure out where to go. After all, it is one of the very few "holidays" where if you are observant, you can go to the "away ballpark", wherever that is. So the search for which orthodox synagogue in the New York area will provide the most meaningful, spiritual services begins in earnest, a few days before. This year, it was to be Darchei Noam, the egalitarian orthodox synagogue that meets at the Heschel School in Manhattan. In years gone by, it has been The Hebrew Institute of Riverdale, (Avi Weiss' Shul), The Hebrew Institute of White Plains. (Maybe I should have gotten a clue when all the places we were going were "institutes" like, short for institution) I think the most "fun" we had at a shul was the Spanish Portuguese Synagogue in Manhattan, with customs dating back two centuries in New York, and going much farther back. So it was determined that we would see what Darchei Noam had to offer in the spirituality department, since we have had such great experiences at Shira Chadasha in Jerusalem. All that was before the "TOE". You see, a few days ago, my wife stepped on a piece of glass in our home. After two visits to the podiatrist, she was not having a great amount of relief. So yesterday, after speaking to a colleague whose husband is a pediatrician, he suggested that she come see him to remove, what she was sure, was more glass in her foot. It was appropriate, of course, since my wife is, how shall we say, a bit of a reluctant patient. So seeing a pediatrician, with his soothing, patient demeanor would be comforting. So off we went, at about 4:00, to see Harry, the Pediatrician. After what seemed like an eternity, he was able to remove what was, in fact, a small piece of glass or two, and off we hobbled, my wife wounded, but on the whole, much better, we believed.

Unfortunately, the trek into the City was now going to be postponed, since the pain, and the impending tornadoes were threatening to put a damper on our plans. So after our ritual seudah mafseket trip to our pre-tish'a b'av restaurant in Westchester County, we made the decision to return home, to our less than ho-hum synagogues to hear the reading of Eicha. Disappointed that I would not have a tish'a b'av experience, and no women reading Eicha that night, (alright, call me a heretic) i suggested to my wife that perhaps we skip the shul reading of Eicha, and instead, do it ourselves. And that is exactly what we did. We went home, and after completing the evening prayers, we sat down, my wife with her injured foot elevated, and me on the floor, in typical tish'a b'av fashion, we dimmed the lights, and I began. Toward the end, my wife took over, beautifully chanting the last two chapters of Eicha.

I had found a way to make it spiritual, after all.

Being Part of the Club - or not!

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:36:00 +0000

My former brother in law, whom I don't think ever reads my blog, mercifully, seems to have picked me to debate Judaism with. A silly sort of back and forth, since we have some diametrically opposed ideas when it comes to belief and practice.
He started off this barrage with the question, "do you believe?" After I figured out what he was asking that i believed in, he described Judaism as a sort of club, where you either follow the rules and become a member, or opt out of the club. Now opting out of the club does not mean you opt of Judaism, rather just a particular group of Jews.
This has spurred an ongoing debate which neither of us can win, since we both hold immutable tenets that are diametrically opposed to one another. Firstly, he rejects change altogether. Or if not, he feels it needs to take several centuries to accomplish. While I understand the nature of his concern, i disagree entirely, and that is where we ultimately will have to agree to disagree.

But this club he refers to, made me think. Yesterday, as I am sure most people know, several Rabbis were arrested for money laundering from the Deal, NJ community. This is a proud, close knit community of mainly traditional Syrian Jews who I imagine must be sick over the publicity they are getting in relationship to this tragedy. So they must want to leave that club, because membership has negative privileges. Then of course I read the article in the Yeshiva World News that Rabbi Yitschak Tuvia Weiss is encouraging his followers in Meah She'arim to protest in the streets this Shabbos because of the continued opening of a municipal parking lot, which is sure to create hostility, and maybe even a little name calling and throwing of nasty objects.

Another club that I would not want to belong to. And while I really do want to talk about the meat and potatoes of the discussion i have been having, today, i pose the question, "which club do you belong to, and why?" I know the answer to that one for me. So many clubs, so little time.
Shabbat Shalom

The Catskills and a welcoming community

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 18:16:00 +0000

Yesterday was visiting day at my son's camp, so despite the fact that this is his last year, we made the long (170 miles each way) trip to visit. It was a beautiful day, and the drive was very pleasant. After the visit was over, my wife and I decided to relive our youth and pay a visit to some of the other communities in the Catskills that we used to frequent. We headed off to Woodridge, a community with a fair amount of new building and changing communities. It is absolutely amazing to see that the entire Chassidic world moves upstate for the summer. I saw Vishnitz, other assorted chassidim, and the most interesting to me was the "summer home of Yeshivas Chaim Berlin." Now I went to Yeshiva. Trust me, we had no "summer homes." And everywhere, and I do mean everywhere, there are men with beards and payos, and women with sheitels (wigs) and long skirts, and little boys playing, with their tzitzis flying in the wind. The funniest sight was of what looked like a pick up basketball game, somewhere near woodridge, with a bunch of men, some African American with no shirts on, and others, men fully clothed, with long sleeved white shirts and shoes playing a basketball game.
In contrast to my post of the other day, no one was throwing garbage. Or dirty dipapers. Blacks and chassidim playing basketball together. Maybe the folks from Mea Shearim should take notice,

Is this what G-d wants? - The Jewish People - We are our own worst enemies

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 14:23:00 +0000

The violence going on in Israel between the Chareidim (ultra orthodox) and non - Chareidim really disturbs me. (Story here) The gist of it, this time, is that a mother, who apparently nearly starved her child to death, was arrested due to neglect. As the story unfolded, the implication was that the mother had Munchhausen syndrome by proxy , an illness where the mother intentionally harms her child/ren in order to obtain medical treatment and sympathy for herself. In any event, the response by the chareidi community, of which this woman is a part, was to wreak havoc on anybody and anything. Burning tires, throwing garbage, physically assaulting people. I have never witnessed these events, not living in Israel, but I can fantasize the image. Men, (because surely the women would not be allowed to participate in public) in long black coats, hats, and long beards throwing garbage at policemen. What a sight that must be.

Is this what G-d wants? When the mayor of Jerusalem permitted the opening of a parking lot on Shabbat, the chareidim rioted. On Shabbat. I mean, come on, people, on Shabbat? Throwing dirty diapers at innocent people, at policemen.

I am a big believer in letting everyone find their own path to G-d. No matter how you slice it, throwing dirty diapers, while dressed in your Shabbat finest is just not it. You can't convince me that it is. Nothing justifies the chilul hashem (desecration of G-d's name) that this promotes and encourages. Not to mention adding fuel to the fire for those who are anti-chareidi. Because, you see, at the end of the day, we all get lumped together if we are observant, and there is no distinction. I, for one, don't want to be part of the diaper throwing, Shabbat violating chareidim protesting a parking lot. I will find my own way. I wish they would find theirs.

Kashrut - It's What I've Always Said

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:45:00 +0000

So, it has been more than a year, maybe closer to two since I have posted, but I have decided, on a whim, to try to get back into it. There are so many things that go on every day, and so little time, but let's give it a shot.

I came across an article that appeared in the Baltimore Jewish Times, sent to me by Yussi, that talks about Hebrew National and its "status" in the Kosher consuming world. (Jewish Times article) I don't fully accept everything that the article says, but much of it is true. The article implies that much of what happens in the Kashrut world is political, and I must admit, from my personal experience as a mashgiach (Kosher supervisor) with two of the largest Kashrut organizations in the world, it did not appear that way. Of course, I was removed from the front office, so I cannot tell you about the wranglings and goings on back there. I will tell you, that what should be of more concern than the politics, is the actual Kashrut of the products being supervised. But I save that for another time. Suffice it to say for the moment, that even among those supervisory bodies that everyone "trusts", there are more than a few problems that could send the whole process into question. After all, if you really want to avoid kashrut issues, eat only fruits and vegetables, and make sure you grow them yourself!

But back to Hebrew National. I ate Hebrew National as a kid. I grew up in a small town far from the Kosher world, and if you wanted Kosher meat, that was what you got. Then off to Yeshiva, where i was told, no, you cannot eat it. Why? Well, it is just not done. Something about a technical issue that the meat was out of the sight of the supervisors during packaging, and therefore, no good. So no more Hebrew National for me. Besides, Nathan Katz? (I think that was the supervising Rabbi for a while) Who the *#@#@ is he? No one knows. Can't trust him. Then, years later the bigger scandal.... they are rinsing their meat in water that is too hot, which at least had some teeth behind it in terms of disallowing it. I know, let's change supervision! And then everyone will love us and trust us.

So, we switch to the Triangle K.

Well, it was a good thought, but Ralbag? (administrator of the Triangle K) No one trusts Ralbag! I remember the rumor when i was a kid, and Drakes became Kosher under the Triangle K. Well, it's only dairy, so how bad could it be? Then I heard the "in"famous story that one day, some unnamed person, called the Drakes company and asked to speak to the Rabbi/supervisor. The alleged response, was "oh, he doesn't come in very often." By the way, we changed the ingredients. Do you think we should let him know? That was it for the Ralbags. True? Who knows, but that was 25 years ago. My brother, (who I am sure would not eat Triangle K anymore) was the one who said to me, "I met Rabbi Ralbag. He is a religious man, with a long white beard." Well, i don't know that the beard length makes much of a difference (if it did, i would grow mine longer) but there is no questioning the Ralabg's (his sons run the business now) credentials or seeming personal qualifications.

So I don't know about all of you, but in the future, Hebrew National might just find a place at my table. OK, so it will be on paper plates.

Ending the Madness

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 13:42:00 +0000

There is an organization called End the Madness whose goal it is to help those orthodox singles find a mate. The organization bemoans the fact that the traditional means of finding your "bashert" currently employed by the orthodox Jewish community does not work. Part of the main problem is that the singles and their families are often more concerned with the things that don't count more than the things that do. Chananya Weisman, who is the founder of End the Madness just wrote an article that was forwarded to me this morning, that really hits home on this. While I don't like to take up lots of space with pasting someone else's articles, since I cannot find a link to it yet, I post it here: (below the article is the actual message of today's blog)

Living a Contradiction: By Chananya Weissman

You work for a living, and you work hard for your living, at that. You spent many years and many more thousands of dollars to receive a higher education, and you value the fact that you are a worldly, well-rounded person. You follow the news in a variety of media. You enjoy the many wonderful advances in science and technology of our modern world.You have a variety of hobbies and interests that may include sports, literature, art, music, travel, and so much more. You are politically informed, place a premium on independent, critical thinking, and believe that every person is and should be unique. You send your children to schools that reflect this understanding of the diverse needs of every individual and that prepare them to have a variety of options as they prepare for adulthood.In your professional life you often have to deal with members of the opposite sex. You ride buses and trains that carry both genders, and frequently dine in restaurants in which men and women stand on line together and sit at tables together. Occasionally you encounter someone who is not dressed appropriately and you avert your eyes, but you recognize that such experiences are normal and don’t feel any religious obligation to eat only at home as a result. You or your children may have even attended schools in which males and females are not completely separate.Your wife either does not cover her hair, covers it grudgingly, or covers it with a very expensive shaitel that is designed to make her appear stunning and the envy of all who see her.When you grew up, and certainly when your parents grew up, it was normal for people to meet and go out on dates. You met at school, in camp, in shul, at chessed projects, at political rallies, and in general through being open to meeting new people. Friends introduced one another. Shadchanim offered their services, but you hardly knew anyone who wanted or needed their services. Personal ads were something you would get a chuckle out of. It was generally pleasant to meet people, go out on dates, go steady with someone, and ultimately find someone to marry. The men were gentlemen, the women were ladies, and people acted appropriately. This was how rabbis met their future rebbetzins, too. It was nice. One glorious day your child announces that he is getting married. Chances are that his dating experience was far less pleasant, and that he relied primarily on shadchanim and online personal ads to find people to date. You understand now that this is more religious, this is what Hashem wants, and this is in fact the way it probably was throughout Jewish history. You accept what you hear. After all, that’s what people are saying, and who are you to question?Your first reaction upon hearing that your child is getting married is not joy, but relief. Your darkest nightmares – which have come true for so many others – have been averted. Your child will get married after all.You plan a wedding. And plan, and plan, and plan. There are lots of details to consider, but one thing is certain from the outset: the husbands will not sit with their wives, and the single men will not sit with the single women. First of all, you have suddenly become concerned that someone may dress or act inappropriately, despite everything else about your upbringing and background. Second of all, you heard that some rabbis with a mystique about them, a certain aura, and a large devoted following are against the idea of men and women interacting unless they are married or planning on marrying one another very soon.Third of all, you don’t want to fight over it. Your kid is getting married. So what if the singles at the wedding would like the same? Besides, maybe someone of the same gender will set them up, or something like that. That’s right. Hashem can work it out if He wants. They just have to daven and believe. It’s not your headache.Fourth of all, you want your chassidishe cousins to be comfortable. That’s the most important thing.You don’t ask yourself why you are suddenly taking an extreme approach regarding the separation of the sexes, one that does not manifest itself in any other aspect of your family, social, or professional life. You don’t ask yourself why you are so vitally concerned with what certain rabbis think about this issue when these rabbis are not your poskim, do not share your philosophies and values, and in fact would consider pretty much your entire lifestyle to be outside the pale. They would accept nothing about you and how you live, they would hurl insults at your religious outlook, and they would accept your children only as reclamation projects, not as good Jews. All they would accept of you is your tzedaka dollars and that you have a yiddishe neshama. But you don’t ask yourself why their opinion on mixed seating at weddings is suddenly so important to you.You don’t ask yourself why you don’t follow these same rabbis when in comes to watching an occasional movie, having an Internet connection, reading a newspaper, reading a book, having colors in your wardrobe, working for a living, allowing your wife to pursue ambitions outside the home, and so much more. You don’t ask yourself why your local rabbi is suddenly no longer good enough to rely upon.You don’t ask yourself why you aren’t living in Bnei Brak and learning in a kollel, if that is what you REALLY believe Hashem wants of a good Jew. You don’t ask yourself why you are being so inconsistent by following these extreme opinions on matters like mixed seating, shidduchim, certain matters of kashrus and the like, yet live a lifestyle that suggests you have a religious outlook that isn’t always black and white, one-size-fits-all, don’t ask questions, just say no.You don’t ask yourself any of these things. Maybe then you would realize that your religious observance is based more on social expectations than religious values, tradition, and compelling teachings. Maybe then you would realize that you are dancing from doorpost to doorpost, desperately hoping only to be accepted by your neighbors. You have separate seating at your child’s wedding because that’s what some people expect of you, not because you really, truly believe it’s right. But you say nothing. After all, you want your grandchildren to be able to get a shidduch.

All of this brings me to the original reason behind this post, which is, of course, "the Boy." The 20 year old daughter of a friend is (make that "was") dating a nice young man from England while she studies in Israel. They met a few weeks ago, and "the Boy" as she liked to refer to him, seemed to be having a very nice time with her. Clearly she liked him very much, and was very infatuated. In fact, she even started changing her behavior for him, like not wearing pants when they went out, but wearing a skirt instead. He was thoughtful, attentive, bright, handsome and liked her very much. Or so he said. He would email her after the dates and tell her what a great time he'd had. and looked forward to seeing her again. And then, apparently, last night, the Boy told her that he came from a family that only used shadchanim, (matchmakers) and that things between them could never work out. And with that, unceremoniously, the relationship ended, and "the Boy" was gone. Just like that. I won't bother to go into the obvious social gaffes here and the feelings involved. Perhaps a different time. It just struck me as amazing that here, the night after this awful event, I am sent Rabbi Weissman's article that seems to me to fit this to a tee, and felt that I had to share it with you. Maybe he, and his organization will be successful in helping other "Boys" or girls who have to deal with them make better choices with fewer outside influences.

Virgins get in free

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 13:03:00 +0000

I had intended to go on about the trials and tribulations of my vacation, but this was too ridiculous not to pass on. I am really not much of a prude. Nor am I shy about many things, but having been raised in a small town in PA, I am still taken aback at times by what passes for normal in New York City. It is a great town, with much to offer, but at times, you have to scratch your head, and say, geez........ In this morning's paper, there was an Associated Press article about giving free tickets to a new off-Broadway show called "My First Time," a comedy, to anyone who can demonstrate their chastity. The show, based on a 1o year old website inviting users to anonymously describe their losing their virginity.

Which, as the article goes on to ask, begs the question.... just how will the theater know?

Well, enter Sebastian Black, the human lie detector. Black is a self described mind reader/hypnotist who is a "master of body language." He will conduct interviews and determine whether or not those before him have ever done the dirty act. Apparently he is pretty good at figuring out who is telling the truth. The producer, Ken Davenport would not say how many virgin tickets are available, but commented that "there are not that many virgins in New York. What can you expect from the town that spawned "Sex and the City?"

Summertime, and the blogging is slow

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 20:38:00 +0000

During the summer my time to blog is somewhat more limited as I imagine most of yours is as well. Couple that with the occasional vacation, and you are in blogging limbo. I have just returned from such a vacation, and have not had a chance to sit down at the computer to write since work and life have gotten in the way. Today's post is short, a warm up to tomorrow. Having just returned from Florida I will issue one piece of advice that I am sure many of you already know about this time of year.... (with apologies to all the Floridians out there) DON'T GO!!!!!!!!! I really like the Sunshine State. I have been there many times. What I don't like is the Sunshine State, or at least the lower part of it, in the summer. Hazy, Hot and Humid takes on new meaning. And if you are like me, it is impossible to go outside without your eyeglasses fogging up. I think someone should, if they have not yet, find a way to make glasses that don't fog when you go from the air conditioning to the steamy Florida outdoors in the summer. Thankfully, most of the places you go in southern Florida are close to the water, so at least you can take a dip. It was even too hot for the Florida wildlife. Being the adventurer that I am, i dragged my wife to Corkscrew Swamp Sanctuary in Naples, Fla. Expecting to see alligators, herons, frogs, turtles and birds of all kinds, what we found was a beautiful gift shop with a proprietor who said "don't expect to see too much wildlife out there. The drought is keeping them away." Well he was right, except for one thing that I found in abundance. Mosquitoes. Or should I say they found me. You see, I obviously emit whatever chemical that says to them "come bite me" and they do. By the time we left, I had seven bites and needed a drink. No gators or wildlife of any kind we could see. Despite all the complaining, my first trip to southwest Florida showed it to be at least as beautiful as its eastern cousin. The gulf is amazing. Incredibly warm, with calm shores and waters. The sunsets, as we were told over the phone when we booked our hotel, were not to be missed. They are truly an awesome sight. Sometimes, however, life interrupts, and vacations, while pleasant, turn out to be something different from what you expected. But more about that tomorrow......

You can't take it back - family and other hazzards of life

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 17:31:00 +0000

As a therapist, I often have to live life looking at it from several perspectives. There is the one perspective that wants to be like most people and just react to life. Then there is the other one that says "you have to have empathy, compassion, understanding" when all I really want to do is shake the people in front of me so hard that their eyeballs pop out. The latter persona (calm, empathic and compassionate) is usually the one that wins out in the end, so you can feel free to visit me at the office and I won't shake you too hard.

Recently I had such an experience in my own family. My niece got engaged. There was just one tiny little problem. She had neglected to tell her parents about it. A tiny little problem which loomed much larger as the engagement party, hastily put together, was to take place. (A mere three days after the announcement) Well, you can imagine the mayhem that ensued as it turned out that her parents were not too keen on the engagement, given the length of the dating period (less than two months) and the daughter, determined to marry said young man, did not intend to seek her parents' endorsement. Enter the uncle....... which would be me. I was asked to support the young bride and her intended (emotionally) which I said I would gladly do. That was until I found out that the parents were a negative request at the upcoming party. My lovely niece decided that it was best for all if her parents did not attend given their marked reticence. She was concerned that there might be "a scene" despite the fact that is was not at all their style. And so began a flurry of last minute negotiations between uncle, fiancee, siblings, parents. Everyone who was going to go originally had now opted out, turning what was to be a joyous occasion into something that was going to leave many of us with hurt feelings, and irreparable rifts. I am not exactly sure how, but in the end, my niece changed her mind, and we all went and had a wonderful time celebrating what we hope will be a long, terrific life together for these two young people.

One of my wife's mantras to anyone who will listen is that "you can't take it back", one of the things of which she reminds me regularly, that I have come to experience again and again. (luckily not between us.... yet!) What she means by this is that there are things in life, once uttered, or performed, that are indelible, unchangeable and damaging beyond repair. No matter how much we didn't mean it when we said ____ (fill in the blank) we can never take it back. We may forgive, we may overlook, we may say we will forget, but more often than not, we can't. And this is why we have to be so careful in the first place. I told my niece "this is one of those things you can never take back." I don't know if she heard me, listened to others, or listened to her inner voice, but in the end she did what was right. Even if it didn't feel right at the time. And this is what we all need to do a bit more. Don't do or say things that we can not take back. There are no (or at least very few) do overs in life. Why chance it?

Frummer (more religious) than the Torah

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 13:03:00 +0000

When I was in 11th grade, I had a Rebbe (teacher) who used to say "you can't be frummer, or more religious, than the Torah. The implication was that the Torah has a set of requirements, and the custom of going above and beyond was unnecessary. And while you might disagree, his prime example was the custom of 10 and 11 year olds fasting. There is precedent in the literature for young kids doing this, but his contention was that "when you reach bar/bat mitzvah age, you have to fast." You can practice if you want, but it is not necessary.

All this leads me to the news stories yesterday regarding Eliyahu Chaim Fayzakov, a religious 20 year old talented singer, who happens to have a voice that sounds like a woman. (Listen to the link here) Here is a nice young man, with a large black yarmulke whose recorded music which is played on radio stations has been banned by charedi stations for fear that the listeners would feel that the station was (g-d forbid) playing recordings of women singing. Now I won't enter into the debate over what they call "kol isha" the prohibition against listening to a woman's voice. (read this link for a DETAILED explanation) But the overriding thought that kept coming to my mind was Rabbi Hochberg, in 11th grade saying, "you can't be frummer than the Torah." I mean, here you have a guy, for crying out loud, and they are unwilling to play his music because someone might THINK it is a woman singing? Cut me a break. I have often argued for the rights of those to the right of me to be left alone to do what is best for them, but this time, even I can't defend it. In the meantime, enjoy listening to Eliyahu's music. I have to admit, he does sound like a woman, but he also sounds pretty good!

Is Facebook Good for the Jews?

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 13:28:00 +0000

Well, I guess i could apologize for being away for a month, but it would just be lame. I just plain ran out of steam for a bit, but I am back. Especially after i see that my pal, and blogger par-excellence Treppenwitz linked me to his page. And by the way, Dave, if you are reading this, one of my board members is now a religious reader of yours, and passed along the post that included a reference to the Case Foundation. I now have board members telling me about your posts!!!

Anyhow, I wanted to know how many of you are on facebook? It is a kinda new phenomena. Not that facebook is new, it is just that everyone seems to be using it now. I have been "friended" by three new people this week, including one that I was sure I did not know. For the un-initiated, although I imagine that is not many of you, facebook was created to allow college students to interact and find each other online. As it became more popular, it spread to non-college students. Today, professionals, students of all stripes, and kids are using it. It is supposed to be limited to those over the age of 18, but in reality, no one checks the ages. My son's 12 - 14 year old friends all have a facebook page, and they spend all day (when they can) talking on it, updating it, putting photos on it. On the one hand, it is very scary. On the other hand, it is great. I have been aware for many years of the potential danger of the internet. People expose themselves in ways unknown to us just a mere ten years ago. Horror stories are legion, and more than one death has resulted from chance internet meetings that went bad. On the other hand, it allows us also to connect in a way unknown before. And in these scary, wondrous times in which we live, that can be a great thing.

Facebook allows people to join common interest groups. I have to admit, I am not a facebook pro, so i have not joined any, but i have looked around at them. This morning, i noticed that one of my young "friends" joined a group called Kehana Tzadak, which is really the ramblings of adolescents on the thoughts of Rabbi Meir Kahane an activist Rabbi who was assassinated in 1990 for his radical thoughts that have become more in vogue as the Arab - Israeli conflict has continued. Like him or hate him, the fact that there is a forum for kids to talk about these ideas online is a good thing. We have a generation of kids who will not know what a record is, or an eight track, or a beta vcr. But they will know how to use a computer, and will be able to access people and information all over the world. That is a great thing. The hope is that they will come to use it responsibly.

Holidays by the sea

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Fri, 25 May 2007 14:45:00 +0000

I went away for Shavuot. What a fascinating experience. Our family was invited by friends from the DC area to Bethany Beach, Delaware. Apparently, this is a tradition amongst people from the DC/Silver Spring area that has been around for over 20 years. Who knew? Obviously, wanting to be sure that I would be able to observe the holiday on which we celebrate receiving the Torah, I wanted to know "will there be a minyan? Will there be a Torah? The reply from our friend was "not only is there a minyan, but there is a break - away as well. For the un-initiated, in many communities, for political and/or religious reasons, synagogues find it necessary to break away from their founding institutions. Hence, the term "break - away." This phenomena is usually much more prevalent among orthodox congregations, but in recent years, the trend seems to have spread. In my community, I am aware of at least one conservative and one reform congregation that have had this happen. In any event, Bethany's break away is not exactly that. It seems that there is a small congregation in the town, but far away from the beach resorts that people go to for the holiday. In order to ensure that people had a place to go, apparently the Chabad of Wilmington rents out space in a nearby hotel, and people who come for the holiday self -organize the services and the very elaborate kiddush that follows it. It is an amazing thing. 200 people show up at a resort community for the holiday. No Rabbi. No Gabbai. (officially, anyway) But it all happens. There is a large minyan. A fairly large group of people stayed up all night on the first night of Shavuot to learn, as is the custom. The people who come to this shore community are a modern orthodox group, but very laid back by normative standards. No suits or ties. The men wore sandals, no socks.

One of the thing that I thought was amazing, was that the the megillah of Ruth, traditionally read in synagogues on Shavuot, has been read the last few years by different women in the congregation. A beautiful custom that I have never had the opportunity to have because of my participation in traditional orthodox services. I was really looking forward to it. Unfortunately, the women who have done it in the past did not come this year, and yours truly was "forced" to read Ruth for everyone there.

I guess I will have to go back next year.

A little bit of holiness... even on a rainy weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Sun, 20 May 2007 01:19:00 +0000

David, from life on the far side, (see link on the right) talked about spending Shabbat in Saratoga Springs. For him, it was a different kind of Shabbat. One where he did not get to do all the things he usually does. It was a Shabbat that was somewhat devoid of the spirituality he has come to expect. I can relate, but my experience was the exact opposite. This Shabbat, our synagogue sponsored Rav Avi Weiss, one of the most inspiring, spiritual men I have had the privilege of meeting. For the most part, I am a cynic. I have struggled to find the spirituality in religion for the last 20 years. I have had a measure of success in finding it. And it is because of Rav Avi, and others like him, that I have been able to capture some of these feelings. For those of you who don't know Rav Avi, (as he likes to be called) his touchy -feely ways can be off putting for the cynics among us.Until you watch him. Until you see him. Until you experience him. Until you get hugged by him. For you see, Rav Avi is a Shlomo Carlebach emulator. What I mean is that like Reb Shlomo, Rav Avi wears his heart on his sleeve. But he wears it sincerely. Every time I see him, I am greeted by a wide smile, and a hug. And it feels good. I used to wonder, "is it real?" I know Rav Avi for more than 30 years. It is real. It has withstood the test of time. Rav Avi took the "bayit" which began as just that... a small house in Riverdale, NY, and transformed it to a synagogue with 850 families. Innovative, modern, pushing the limits of modern orthodoxy, Rav Avi has created a community that strives to find the Holy. He has created an environment that teaches love, respect, and learning above all. He has created a Yeshiva as well, Yeshivat Chovevei Torah the open modern Orthodox Yeshiva, that tries to create Rabbis like Rav Avi, who are passionate and care about Judaism and our people.

Most people came this Shabbat to hear Rav Avi speak. I got so much more out of watching him. When few others were. Rav Avi led the Kabbalat Shabbat last night. Before he started, very quietly, he walked over to one of the adolescent boys in shul, who is developmentally delayed. He rubbed his cheek and spent a few moments talking to him. While he was leading the prayers and he broke into song, he invited the boy to join him at the pulpit, where he remained, standing next to Rav Avi, singing and ultimately dancing in the Shabbat. What a beautiful sight that he cared to involved this boy, who is usually ignored by those around him.

And this morning, when no one was looking, he walked over to the one homeless man who is a regular in our synagogue. I heard Rav Avi ask him, "did you eat something?" Then Rav Avi said to him, reb "ya'akov, what is going to be with you?" He really cared and wanted to know. These were the things that were done when no one was watching. These were the things that were done when no one was listening. And these are the things that are done that bring holiness to our congregation, to our community, to our world. Even when it is raining outside. And when it does enter, the rain outside is unseen due to the light shining in the Synagogue.

Poof, you are not Jewish anymore

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Thu, 17 May 2007 14:13:00 +0000

A judge in an Israeli court ruled yesterday that a woman who had converted 15 years ago was not Jewish due to her lack of observance of Jewish law and custom. In an article by Rivka Lubitch, who is head of the Haifa office of The Center for Women's Justice, wrote that not only was the woman declared not Jewish, but her marriage was considered invalid, the couple did not need a get, and get this......... THE CHILDREN ARE NOT JEWISH!!!!!!! (link here)

C'mon, give me a break!!! This means that every person who converts who does not observe Judaism to the level that the particular court they are in determines is appropriate, will no longer be considered Jews, be able to get married in an orthodox ceremony, or be buried in a Jewish cemetary. This would apply to their kids as well. I wonder if the court has considered how many thousands of Jews they turned into non-Jews yesterday?

Yom Yerushalayim and Violence in Israel

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Wed, 16 May 2007 16:30:00 +0000

Today we celebrate Yom Yersushalayim, the 40th anniversary of the reunification of Jerusalem in the six day war. It should be a joyous day, Here is a picture from the Jerusalem Post showing this morning's celebration:

This celebration comes on the heels of the launching of 30 Kassam Rockets into S'derot and other towns in the last 36 hours. I have not often discussed any political ideologies here, but today, I feel both elated and sad. It won't be hard to figure out where my political stance is, but I hope to share mostly facts. 18 people were wounded in these latest attacks, with one woman from S'derot being injured moderately. I wrote once before in one of my earliest posts (here) about how hard it is to feel the pain of those who are lost in Iraq, despite the fact that we have over 3300 Americans who have been killed. For a real close up, difficult to read article, read about Darrel Ray Griffin, Jr. in the current issue of US News and World Report. It is an article written by an infantry commander who was shot and killed by a sniper in Baghdad about two weeks after he was interviewed by the reporter. There are emails to his wife talking about life as a soldier in Iraq. And why do I bring this up? Because as we celebrate the wonders of having a united Jerusalem, the ynet and others reported that the Israeli Air Force has retaliated against Hamas killing 4 terrorists and injuring 20 more. I say it is about time. How long should we suffer this degrading, erosive kassam barrage and violence. I think it has gone on long enough.

On this, the 40th anniversary of a United Jerusalem,I hope and pray that the IDF and the IAF will not have to continue their defense of our Holy Land, since it will have become unnecessary.

I was right..... Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah - JOFA and The Milgraum story

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Tue, 15 May 2007 22:02:00 +0000

Got another email from JOFA today. Turns out I was right about Michael Milgraum and the plight of his sister - in- law Sima Milgraum.When I got the first email from them telling us to boycott Michael Milgraum, I was upset at what I thought seemed a pre-mature, unexplained boycott of Mr. Milgraum, and I said so. Below is the email I received today. I think it speaks for itself.

Update on Sima Milgraum

JOFA was recently in contact with Michael Milgraum, the brother-in-law of agunah Sima Milgraum. He shared with us his efforts to help his sister-in-law receive her Get and his desire to see this issue resolved. He has assured us that he will continue to make every attempt possible to facilitate a solution to this matter.

At this point, we are no longer calling for our members to contact either Dr. Milgraum or the newspaper "What, Where, When." We believe such communication will detract from potential progress in this case.

JOFA
520 8th Avenue, Fourth Floor, New York, NY 10018www.jofa.org ● 888-550-JOFA
Forward email

The threat is over - Except to the state of Israel

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Tue, 15 May 2007 16:27:00 +0000

I find blogging interesting. People come by for all sorts of reasons, but unless you write about sex, few people others than those who are regulars, or those who stumble upon you accidentally, read what you have written. I guess, to paraphrase what someone said recently in a different context, blogging is very self - indulgent. It is about you. Some may find that interesting. Most, I imagine, don't really care. There are, however, some exceptions.

Some of you have seen the JIB Awards voting that is going on right now. It give you an opportunity to see some of the really good blogs out there. One of my favorites is Treppenwitz, my old friend Dave, who is in the running for a few awards. Log into the JIB website and vote for Dave's site by going to "best all around finalists" (here) and clicking on the link for large blogs, and find and vote for Treppenwitz. There are other categories that Dave is running in so look around and enjoy. You will also see links to others in the Jblogoshpehere who are great. Dave has had some great posts. One of my favorites was the one he wrote a while back called the rental cello. Go read it, it is very heartwarming. That post is about what makes what I am going to point out so awful. It seems that there are organizations, most notably Hillel that are "having a problem" displaying the Israeli flag. (See article here ) I don't know what your take is, but I think it is awful that we have to have open discussions at flying the Israeli flag at our college and universities because of what it represents? The article leads off with how Brown University students gave the new Hillel director a hard time when she wanted to know why there was no Israeli flag in the building. I am very supportive of Hillel. I am now having second thoughts. The fact that this has become something open to debate, boggles my mind.

The threat comes true - part two

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Thu, 10 May 2007 16:26:00 +0000

There are several transformative experiences that I have had that have not only impacted my spiritual development, but have changed the way I view and live Judaism. After a fairly long career in civil service in metropolitan Philadelphia, I took a job at a Jewish agency in a relatively nearby shore community. My boss hired me because, as an "orthodox" Jew, I could provide the "Jewish face" or point of view to the community and the agency. Of course, as a yarmulke wearing Jew, you are always open to those who either feel threatened or embarrassed, and my boss, whom I adore, was no exception. We would walk daily on the boardwalk, which we were fortunate to have only two blocks from the office. Often, these talks would take on a question and answer session about religion. My boss, being a secular cynic, would always playfully (sort of) accuse me of inflexibility and being locked into archaic ways of doing things. I would of course respond defensively, explaining that without observant Jews, there would be no real Judaism, and other "party line" responses that I learned over the years. Internally, I would question myself, and did not have any real good answers. One of the most interesting dialogues I had with my boss was to come several years later, and i will discuss that in a later post.

One of the duties of my job at that time was to speak at synagogues to promote the agency. My first such engagement was at the local Reform Temple. Since it was early on in my enlightenment, if you will, I had some pretty strong feelings about the matter. I went about preparing a d'var torah, and said to myself, "it will be the only Torah that this congregation will learn, so I better do something good for them." It was the dead of winter, so I figured that no one would be there anyway, so who really cared. It was a 2 and a half mile walk from where i was staying to the Temple, so I started out in the freezing cold, and cursed my job. About 45 mins - hour later i arrived at the Temple. There were people bustling around, wearing talitot, and wishing everyone a "shabbat shalom." I could not believe it. People in shul on a Friday night, and they actually wanted to be there. They looked happy. Not like in my shul on Friday night where everyone looks bored and tired, and wants to get home as soon as possible. Granted, this was a late service, and they had all eaten already, whereas in my shul we pray before dinner.

They invited me up to the Bimah to occupy a chair of honor, and the Rabbi got up to deliver his remarks. To my shock and dismay, he gave MY D"VAR TORAH, which of course set up the whole rest of my speech for the night. I had no idea what I was going to do. In the end, I spoke pretty well, was well received, and roundly applauded by the congregation. I could have lived without the organ and the selling of Shop - Rite scrip for the ladies auxiliary after services, but in the end, i walked away and said to myself...... You have 75 people who came to service on a Friday night because they WANTED to, not because they had to. They were enjoying themselves, and finding spiritual meaning in what they were doing. How can this be bad????

CONTINUED...........

The threat comes true - part one

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Wed, 09 May 2007 20:05:00 +0000

Once upon a time, ok, maybe more than once, I threatened to write a bit about the things that influenced my thoughts about Judaism. A post today by DJ Singer (life on the far side... link here and on the side) got me thinking that maybe it was time to do just that. On his blog, he talks about the people that pass his way (in the blogosphere) and who they were and did he know them. I don't know him, but got to thinking that his blog has influenced some of my recent thinking about yiddishkeit (positively) and I got to thinking about others who have influenced me. (or not) The other day, I posted a link to an interview of Marc Shapiro. If you did not read that interview, you should do it. It really defines, in my way of thinking, someone whose ideas are right on the mark. In the article, Professor Shapiro explains that in "modern Orthodoxy" many of the things that were once done in our communities are no longer acceptable, and he laments these changes within contemporary Orthodox Judaism. This is why I enjoy reading Singer's blog. You see, it is written by a reform rabbinical student, someone with whom once upon a time, I would have had nothing to do. Having been raised in an orthodox home, with a small orthodox group of acquaintances, I lived a pretty sheltered life. Not only was it sheltered, but I felt it was the only lifestyle in Judaism that had meaning. True meaning. Imagine my surprise when I began working in the Jewish Communal field and found that there were other forms of Judaism that worked for many people and maybe even had some legitimacy. Imagine my greater surprise when I learned that these people, conservative, reform, reconstructionist actually KNEW SOMETHING. Now please don't misunderstand me. I mean no disrespect, nor is this how I feel today. I am merely trying to explain my spiritual travels. They began in a place of judgement. A place that says there is only one right way, and it is my way. And as many of you know, that thought process continues today for many people. It is, what I call, the Frummometer. Anyone to the right is a fanatic, anyone to the left, is a heretic. Frum is a yiddish term that means observant of the mitzvot. Of course in my world, my level of Frumkeit was always right. Today, I realize that the Singers and Shapiros of the world might actually have it right, at least for themselves and for those who share similar thoughts. I have evolved a position in life that Judaism has many legitimate "faces" (from the expression shiv'im panim l'torah - the Torah has seventy faces - meaning there are numerous way to look at it) and while I practice, observe, or believe in one way, it does not mean that other ways have no merit. They are just not for me, but they deserve respect.

continued..........

Sfirah smile.

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Wed, 09 May 2007 12:20:00 +0000

I admit it. Even, my friend Dovid yelled at me. I got lazy. Truth is, that I have been very busy, and have not been "inspired" the last few days, so I have not posted. In the interest of new content, I am posting a fun picture. It is my intention to get back here later and put up a quality post. By the way, we submitted some of the photos from my trip to the Fairchild to their photo contest. Wish me luck!!!!

In the meantime, here is a little picture from a friend that should make you smile.

Things once taken for granted, are now unnaceptable

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Fri, 04 May 2007 17:56:00 +0000

The title of a great article in the Jewish Press that will make for good Shabbat discussion, by Prefessor Marc Shapiro.

Photo Friday

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Fri, 04 May 2007 12:58:00 +0000

With apology to my friend Dave Bogner, (treppenwitz) who inspired me to start writing this blog, I have stolen, at least for today, his Photo Friday feature (that I have missed) that he stopped doing for some reason. (Why'd jadoit, Dave?) Read his recent post on the incident with his son and his bike. It was terrific!! So here, as promised, are some, what I think are amazing pictures from the Dale Chihuly exhibit at the Fairchild Botanical Tropical Gardens in Miami, and one or two others.

This is one of the Main buildings with a signature Chihuli piece that is breathtaking:

This is a shot of one of the many beautiful tropical plants growing on the grounds.

Note how the pieces blend in to the background!

And finally, the woodpeckers on the trees in the tropical gardens are way bigger than those up North!!!

And Lastly, this was the most amazing sand castle I have ever seen. It was on the Beach in Miami Beach at 39th street.

The Fairchild Botanical gardens is in the Coral Gables section of Miami, and worth the trip. The cost is high, but make sure you ask for the AAA discount! You save a whole dollar!

The Agunah Issue....continued

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Thu, 03 May 2007 18:33:00 +0000

It was my intention today to post some amazing pictures from my little trip to Miami. I went to the Fairchild Tropical Botanical Gardens, an ethereal place with plants and flowers that make you remember vividly that there is a G-d. I will leave that for tomorrow.

Today, I want to turn for the final time, I hope, to the post I wrote a few days ago about the Agunah issue, specifically as it related to Sima Milgraum, and Sandy Milgraum. I posted an email that I received from a relative stating numerous things, that are apparently causing the family on both sides continued aggravation, anger, and alleged continued hurt. Without judgement, and being new to the blogging game, I have decided to remove the email portion of that post. I do it out of a sense of fairness to the writer, that it might not have been her intention to publicly say the things she did in the email. I also do it in respect to the son of one of the couple, who asked me to remove it since it was hurting him. He also asked that I apologize. That I won't do. It was my intention to look at the actions of JOFA, who, without telling me why, in an email I was sent, instructed me, (and by extension everyone who received that blast email) to boycott a RELATIVE of the alleged recalcitrant husband. At best, it was an unfair request without enough information, and at worst, it was an awful misuse of the trust that I place in JOFA.

So I will remove the email, but leave the rest of the post, which will be incomplete and jumbled. I want to make some statements/observations about the Agunah issue that have NOTHING TO DO with the case above. I have said before, and I repeat, the agunah issue is an ugly business. Men should not have the right to withhold a get. My wife and I argue about this, but in the end, I have to agree with her in most cases. When we married, we used the RCA's prenuptial agreement which forces the husband to give a woman a get in circumstances where the marriage breaks down. It is something that I believe every woman who gets married should have. I have to admit, I had my own issues to signing it, and even made some handwritten changes, but once you realize that the playing field is not level without it, you have no real smart option but to use it. I believe if every woman insisted on its use, we'd have far fewer agunot. My wife feels that in EVERY case, the man should deliver a get to the woman in a reasonable amount of time. I guess I can imagine legitimate reasons for not doing that, but many might disagree, including my wife, so I won't bother to put them forward.

This issue is one that has to remain at the front of our consciousness since it is something that has to be changed, or that we need to find an halachically acceptable way of dealing with.

Beauty and Godliness

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 15:47:00 +0000

In my wanderings in Miami, i came across the following shop. Obviously, the two (mentioned in the title) are more intertwined that I could have ever imagined. The special, which is first on the sign, was only $20. It looks like a good deal!

Agunot and Broken Promises

noreply@blogger.com (Mottel) — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 21:09:00 +0000

Since I am traveling, it might be hard to write, but I am going to try. I know in an earlier post I promised i would not keep on ranting about the Agunah issue. I lied. Sort of. I received a response from "anonymous" who identified themself as a family member. Their email to me was critical in nature, saying that writing about this merely added "fuel to the fire and made things worse". The utter irony is that what i actually did in my post was to defend Michael Milgraum, someone I do not know who is the brother of the alleged recalcitrant husband. I also took the opportunity to criticize JOFA, (an organization that i like very much) for putting out information suggesting that the Jewish community boycott Michael Milgraum. I said then, and i reiterate, that there was something about that that felt wrong, and i wrote about it in the earlier post. I decided to include the email that i received it in its entirety with the following proviso: The Agunah issue is an ugly issue. I don't know the specifics of the Milgraum case. I do know that there are usually two sides to most stories, sometimes, only one side is true. In this case, I don't know which side is the true one. Here is the email that i received:

Note: At the request of family members, I have deleted the email referenced herein. It is out of the concern for their feelings that I have done this, and feel very strongly that the issues raised both above, and in the more recent post of 5/3/07 need to be addressed.