Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Why can't a woman be more like a man? Or... Whose kiddush is it anyway?

My girlfriend reminds me (often) that we guys just don't get it. That the rules are not the same for men and women. We are entitled to share an opinion, as long as it theirs. And while I love and respect her, I wish that women could be more like men, at least once in a while. Or at least think the same thing that I do.

While I know that this is not a strictly man/woman issue, that is how it sometimes seems to me. And if some of you are offended by my title, it is a song from My Fair Lady, so don't get angry with me. Be angry with Frederic Loewe, or Alan Jay Lerner who were the creators of the book and song, based of course, on George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion. In any event, I digress.

This morning was full of spirited discussion (read: argument) between my girlfried and I over
Kiddush. ( http://www.or-atid.org/What%20_is_Kiddush.htm). Of course, everyone has an opinion on a kiddush. It is too big, too small, not good enough, or, Heaven forbid, D A I R Y!!!! Enough to send the most seasoned kiddush goer screaming from the auditorium.

So today's discussion centered around whether or not one has an "obligation" to host a kiddush for an ocassion. Her contention was that we, (meaning "me") partake of (meaning "sponge off of") others' kiddushes every week, so when it is your turn, you have to return the favor. I thought (how silly of me, male that I am) that when you sponsored a kiddush, you did it because you wanted to celebrate a personal event, and celebrate publicly. I didn't understand (silly me again) that the real reason for a kiddush was to pay back everyone you "stole food" from all year long. Or if you are lucky, and your kids are small, you can sponge off of people for years before having to "pay" them back.

I have a little more than a year before I have to formalize the decision, since my son will not have his bar-mitzvah until next December. Plenty of time for more spirited discussion. Unless, of course, the birth of my grandchild, G-d willing, at the end of October necessitates an early arrival of the Kiddush obligation. In that case, we will have to continue the spirited discussion much earlier.


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mysterygirl said...

I don't see what the problem is...It sounds like the happier you are about your simcha, the more likely you are to make a nice kiddush. Surely, your son's bar mitzvah is something you would like to celebrate with the community! And, at the same time, you will be doing for the community what the community does for others. It's a win--win!